Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
