She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
