I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
