She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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