My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
