haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
