I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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