You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
