Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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