I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
