told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
