Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
