I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
