why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
