This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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