We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
