my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
