My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Girls should come with a carfax report
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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