If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
