Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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