ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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