fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
