Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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