In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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