I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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