Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
