I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
