Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
