Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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