Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
