I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
