Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
