So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
