I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
