I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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