Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
