Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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