oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I want you more than these girls want KFC
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
