Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
