I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
