So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
