You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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