Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
only you would photoshop your dick
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
