Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
