in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
