I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
