I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
