you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
