We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
