he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
this will be a night to untag.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
