You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
