shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Randomize
