Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
