my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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