walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize