Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
