I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
