you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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