He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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