my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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