i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He did a backflip because drugs
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