forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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