she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize