Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize