Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
