I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
