you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
