I'm sorry my penis didn't work
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
