Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
