I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
