Midget sex pt 2 tonight
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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