Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
