I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Your dad touched me again.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
