I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
