The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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