I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
