im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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