I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
