we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
