look no pants
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
